Maybe (Much) Later

Potty training... It was my new year's resolution. Anyone who asked got an excited high five as I yelled it out, loud and proud. I was prepared. I was determined. I was not to be discouraged. I was so stupid.

Many books and internet chats have been devoted to the topic. I've read them all. So many more experienced mothers encouraged us novices to wait until a child's third birthday. "You'll save yourself much heartache and grief", they all warned. Still other's laid out full lists of "ready signs". Signs that my babies *sorta* have.

And it's not that I'm sick of diapers. It's just that this girl at church had to go and tell me about how her son had now finished potty training. I heard all about how her lovely just-turned-two-year-old had his first couple of dry days. How wonderful for her.

It was like this challenge. Something came over me. I can't describe it. I felt like I was behind the ball. Like I just lost some points in the Mothering Olympics. I then read this one article that shared your child may not be ready until as late as 24 months. AS LATE AS 24 MONTHS?? My babies are already 30 months! They're practically teenagers!

That was it. I can't hide from a challenge. I ran to Target and stocked up on these new Pull Ups that get cold when you pee in them. Genius. Flushable wet wipes - we'll need 3 packs of those - and batteries for the little potty -- we're practically half way done now!

Ok, here was my carefully laid out plan. For a couple of days, anytime I needed to do my business, I yelled out to the babies in my most excited voice, "Mommy has to go potty!!!!". This caused much merriment as the babies rushed from whatever they were doing to escort me to the bathroom. I carefully explained what was going on as my small audience clapped, giggled and cheered with glee. There was a little fighting over who got to flush and then more encouragement for Mommy, "Yay! Good job!!!"

3 days of exhibitionism were long enough - it was time for the babies to do this thing. I brought home McDonald's breakfast complete with large orange juices, got the babies hash browns and salty chips (I know, all values out the window here) and released the diapers!

I spend a full hour staring at babies private parts - waiting for something to happen. My thought was to catch them peeing, throw them on the potty so they could finish in the potty and then instantly reward the job well done with a delicious and motivating M&M.

The problem with this part of the plan was that I had not researched it before hand. I had really never actually seen the babies pee. I just changed their diapers when it magically appeared. I soon found out that my son pee's for exactly 2 seconds from start to finish. Major flaw.

Let me set the scene for you... I'm sitting in a room with two naked children - all exits are blocked - I'm watching, waiting. An hour goes by - I start encouraging drinking games. Ok that was embarrassing to admit. Anyway - back to the story. David goes off in a corner and all of a sudden he's peeing. I am stealth. David is scooped up and put on the potty in a move so fast we were invisible. He's done. No pee actually hit the potty. He's staring at me like I'm insane. He has no idea that he even just peed.

I'm over it. Ok, time for plan B - the special Pull Ups that get cold when you pee in them. This follows the logic that if diapers are uncomfortable - the kids will no longer want to wear them and, therefore, naturally and quickly learn to use the potty. I have no way of knowing if they even felt any cold sensation - they wore those things all day - Ava napped in hers. I'm sure they thought it was strange that their privates got cold when they peed - but I never heard anything about it. Ava even cried when I took hers off because they had princesses on them.

I bought a new pack of diapers yesterday. We'll try again when they're three.

Are they going to grow up normal?

I sit down to blog and decide to check on the kids (a good thing to do every once in a while). To my right, down the hall, I can see the glass doors of the playroom closed. David is screaming (really? screaming??) and pulling frantically on the doors to open. Suddenly, Ava runs into view. I see her grab David around the waist and pry his fingers off the door handle - she pulls him out of sight. At this, my interest is piqued. I move closer to get a better look. I swear I'm not making this up...She had him on his stomach on the floor, her knee in his butt with the barrel of a toy gun pushed into his back! I'm not sure what was supposed to happen next, luckily I saved the young hostage just in time. Sometimes I worry that David is going to grow up with a bully complex. Do you think he'll be socially scarred for life as this continues??

Like I have time to worry about such things! I'm currently more worried about keeping my son in custody! I found him outside again this morning. The anguish your heart feels as you discover how easily something so precious to you could be lost is something I can't even describe. The biggest problem is that, this time, I can't figure out how he got out! In times past (yes this is now the fourth incident) someone left the front door open and he helped himself out the screen door. This case, all adults present swear they didn't do it.

Dear husband and I decided to perform a test with which we could determine if David could possibly open the front door himself. We didn't want to actually ask him to open the FRONT door because we weren't going to give him permission to do it - or teach him how if he didn't already know! We took him to the door which separates the kitchen from the laundry room and excitedly exclaimed, "Open the door, David! Go ahead, open it!". He was shocked at first - he's not allowed to go through that door... Was this a trick? Could he get a spanking for this? (Yes, we spank for certain major offenses) You could see the uneasiness and confusion as it slowly grew to excitement. He did his little excited dance and then ran to the door! He put his hand on the handle and gave it a little shake. He then stood back, raised both arms and said, "Open Door! Abrir!!"

*Sigh* My poor baby thinks that because he can help Dora the Explorer open things by just yelling out the word "Abrir"... You get the picture. So I'm going to vote "no" on the whole idea of David being able to open the front door on his own. Now that I think about it - the whole recent playroom scenario sort of backs up my vote.

Ava comes walking into the living room the other day and sees a blanket lying on the floor. Before I even knew what was happening, she threw it over her head and took off at full speed into the wall. I was in total shock for a minute! The crumpled mass just started rolling and moaning - it took me a few minutes to find her under there. She cried and cried, holding on to me. I was trying to comfort her, but I really couldn't stop laughing! She looked like E.T. when Elliot and Gertie dressed him up like a ghost for Halloween to get him past their mom. Wasn't he bumping into walls?




I certainly wasn't expecting her to take off running! She pulled herself together pretty quickly and climbed out of my lap. Immediately, the blanket went back over her head as she cautiously walked out of the room in total blindness. Wouldn't it be fun to know what kids were thinking??

My mom comes over every Wednesday after work to spend time with me and the kids. She just loves to show how much more fun grandma is than mommy by pulling out or bringing over dangerous, messy, and complicated activities! I don't mind it, really, I just try to stay out of the way - and make sure the babies don't swallow too many marbles (not sure if I will ever forgive her for that game...). She tells me she's making memories of them with her that they'll have when they grow up. Who am I to stifle that sort of aspiration? So grandma's more fun than me, I'll let it slide for now.

We decided to take the little one's for a walk this past Wednesday since it had been raining all day and they hadn't been able to get out. We go through the garage so Anthony could bring his bike. You wouldn't think Darling Husband cleaning out the garage could be a bad thing. It's just that the kids could now see all their favorite toys in plain sight. I had wanted the babies to go on foot for this particular walk because I felt like they needed to get some energy out. They immediately climbed into the double jogging stroller and chimed in chorus, "push, push! Let's go!"

The rain looked like it wasn't quite done for the day so we decided to just walk back and forth down my street in case we needed to run back in quickly. I pushed David and Ava up and down the street, trying to coax the littlest free loaders to get out and walk for themselves, while Anthony rode his bike. Mom and I decide we've gotten enough outdoors for one day and head everyone back into the garage. I pulled the babies out of the stroller and put Anthony's bike back up on the hook in the ceiling (that took mom and I both to work out!). As I'm herding everyone back in the house, the babies located the red wagon. "Pull, pull! Let's go!", I hear as I turn around to two 2 year olds strapped into the red wagon, ready for their walk. Grandma, of course, coaxes me into another one. How could we dissapoint them? As I pulled the babies up and down the street in their new mode of transportation, with Anthony riding behind on a tricycle (no way I was getting that bike back down), I thought, "Please God, don't let my neighbors think I'm crazy.". Hopeless prayer.

Sick babies :(

David and Ava have fevers. They started yesterday. I was hoping the virus would have passed by today - nope, still warm. They're so sweet and pathetic! I just love snuggling up in a warm sandwich of sick babies - just content to cuddle and watch repeating episodes of Dora and the Wiggles.

Since I won't be able to take them anywhere again tomorrow (gotta get the virus out of their systems first!), I guess I'm gonna have to come up with some fun indoor activities. We have this book called "The Toddler's Busy Book" (365 Creative Games & Activities to Keep Your 1 1/2 to 3 year old Busy). Some of the suggestions in this book are hilarious!

Last sick day we spent holding orange races - oh yes we did! The book suggested covering oranges in paper towels, drawing faces on the paper towels, and then rolling the oranges down a long hallway as a "race". Okay, the babies did not understand this one at all. They wanted the paper towels off the oranges, they wanted to eat the oranges, they were horrified as I tried to take the oranges away from them and roll them down the hallway screaming "look at it go! - yay!" They weren't buying my enthusiasm.

The hit was moving kitchen chairs into the living room. I never realized that something so ordinary in an in ordinary setting could be so exciting. I really did nothing more than move three or four chairs into the living room. They climbed on top of them, under them, around them - it was a magical hour (yes, I said hour!) as they entertained themselves. I'm thinking we'll do that one again tomorrow for sure...